Dan Bez Ljubavi

02/15/2014

Sedim u sobi zagrljena sa svojim mislima, ispijam čašu crnog vina i ne uživam u danu ljubavi.

Nije mi lepo. Vapim za zagrljajem. Poljubcem. Za onom rečju koja od nas pravi zaljubljene klince, iako nismo klinci. Pa, čak, iako nismo i zapravo sigurni da je to zaljubljenost. Ali nam je lepo.

Vapim za dobrim čovekom. Za čovekom koji zna šta želi. Vapim za čovekom koji će možda i poželeti da me odvede odmah u krevet, ali će me ipak voditi u šetnju. Na moku. Na neko mesto gde idu parovi, ili oni koji će tek da postanu.

Ne vrednujem mnogo ovaj dan, ali me često podseća da mi nešto fali. Da mi mnogo fali! Ljubav. Nešto kao ljubav. Bar da zaliči.

Ali sedim, vezana za osobu koja je nema, spora i nezainteresovana. Dobra, ali ne dovoljno dobra prema meni. I sa ogromnom dozom kukavičluka plačem u sebi, iako nemam prava. Jer, kriva sam, jer me plaši sloboda.

Sedim, zagrljena sa svojom samoćom, svojim platonskim ljubavima, i gledam u virtualne slike života koji sam mogla živeti da sam samo manja kukavica! 

Plačem.

Kriva sam.

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